A key component of my daily spiritual practice is praying the Third Step Prayer in the morning. I do this every day as part of getting ready to face whatever this day may present to me. In the beginning I just recited the prayer, but later, after having attended a 12-Step workshop with Herb K., this prayer became more powerful as I was making it relevant for what the parts of this prayer mean to me on any given day. I divided this prayer into sections and pause after each one to reflect how this applies to me in this moment on this day. I want to share this with you, but not in the spirit of telling you how you should be praying this prayer. Instead, this is just another one of my experiences, strengths and hopes I want to share with you. As we say in the program, take what you like and leave the rest. So here it goes:
God, I offer myself to thee…
What a concept! So, first there is a Higher Power – we call it God – and I am acknowledging that there is something that is more powerful than I am, and I am willing to put my life into the trust of this Higher Power. To me this is possible because I believe that my Higher Power is infinitely benevolent and therefore, I can entrust myself in it.
…to build with me and do with me as thou wilt.
To me this is the big picture stuff. What am I here on earth for? What is my purpose, what is my path in life? I know that I am “barking up the right tree” now with being in the mental health field and doing what I’m doing, pursuing a life of service by helping others on their path of recovery. But it is nevertheless important to reflect on this, as things may change. Yes, I am pretty sure I’m on the right tree, but which branch do I need to climb up on?
Relieve me of the bondage of Self…
What is the bondage of Self for me? I am reflecting on what gets in the way of being the best version of myself today. For example, one of the big ones is my self-centeredness. I ask my Higher Power to change my self-centeredness to other-centeredness. My negative self-talk to compassion and empathy of the parts in myself that I don’t like. My ego into humbleness, my shame into grace, and my willfulness into willingness.
What makes this powerful for me is the choice of words. I tried “selfishness” first, but it didn’t evoke the same emotion as “self-centeredness” does. As a side note, I believe it is important to have an emotional experience with this because when you add emotions to something you’re on to the next level of mastery. The first level is intellectual knowledge i.e. knowing the words, the second level is getting this on an emotional level – having an emotional experience with it, and finally the third level is physicality – you embody it. This is achieved by constant repetition.
The reason why I don’t leave it just at naming the bondage, but name the positive counterpart is because of the way our brain works. When I leave it at the negative statement, in this example my self-centeredness, my brain will latch on to that and remember that as a fact. However, when I name the positive counterpart, the one I want to achieve, my brain will latch on to that and remember that – other-centeredness. This is because our brain will remember the last thing we say or state.
…so that I may better do thy will.
How do I possibly I know what “thy will” is? Well, I don’t. But I can ask for the clarity to recognize your signs and the wisdom to know the difference. There are so many things in life that we encounter. People we meet, conversations we have, things that happen, thought that enter our mind, and countless other things. These are not coincidences, at least not in my mind. It is important though what meaning I give all this. Is it a sign of my Higher Power or not? Am I interpreting this from the perspective of my addict or from the perspective of my recovering Self? This is where the wisdom to know the difference becomes very important. When I ask for the clarity to recognize your signs, I pray that I will be able to spot them when they are being presented to me, and moreover that I have the wisdom to differentiate between a healthy and an unhealthy interpretation of them.
I then ask for the willingness, the courage, the strength and discipline, and the confidence to follow those signs. After all, it’s one thing to recognize the signs, it’s another to take action and follow them.
Take away my difficulties…
Here I pause again and reflect what my difficulties are today. This changes every day as different challenges arise. By doing that I am preparing for the day ahead and ask my Higher Power for guidance.
…so that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of thy power, thy love, and thy way of life.
Again, I pause here and reflect who I will likely encounter today. Certainly, my wife and dog and my father back home are included in this list. I also include those I have hurt in the past through my offending behavior. I do the Ho’oponopono prayer for them. “I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” Then I reflect who I will be in contact with today. This includes my clients, my colleagues, my sponsor and sponsées, and everyone I may get in contact with that I don’t know about yet. This sets me up for the day ahead and I’m already in contact with my Higher Power as I start the day.
May I do thy will, always.
And here I add, just for good measure and to remember that my willfulness is an ever-present threat to my emotional sobriety; “Thy will, not mine be done.”
I’ve been practicing this prayer for the past fifteen years and it has slightly changed over time. Specifically, the “bondage of self” and the “difficulties” have changed as I move along the path of recovery. In that respect it is a living document of my recovery and not rigidly set in stone. It sets me up for the day ahead and I’m able to stay even keeled throughout the day. It also reminds me of the importance of consistently being in contact with my Higher Power so that I am able to do the next right thing.
I hope this sparks some thoughts and ideas in you and helps you on the journey of your recovery. Again, this is just my take on the Third Step Prayer, not a means to tell you how to do it. Take what you like and leave the rest.
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